A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

A pessimist's blood type is always B-negative.

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

Banning the bra was a big flop.

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.

I fired my masseuse today. She rubbed me the wrong way.

I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

If electricity comes from electrons... does morality come from morons?

Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?

Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

Shotgun wedding - a case of wife or death.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

Without geometry, life is pointless.