There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone brother
2. He liked Gospel
3. He didn't get a fair trial

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Father's business
2. He lived at home until he was 33
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with His hands
2. He had wine with His meals
3. He used olive oil

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:
1. He never cut His hair
2. He walked around barefoot all the time
3. He started a new religion

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:
1. He was at peace with nature
2. He ate a lot of fish
3. He talked about the Great Spirit

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.

But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:
1. He fed a crowd at a moments notice when there was virtually no food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was still work to do.

Chush is a school in Brooklyn, New York that caters to learning disabled children. Some children remain in Chush for their entire school career.

At a Chush fund-raising dinner, the father of one student delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he cried out, "Where is the perfection in my son, Shay? Everything God does is done with perfection, but my child cannot understand things as other children do. My child cannot remember facts and figures as other children do. Where is God's perfection?"

The audience was shocked by the question, pained by the father's anguish and stilled by the piercing query. "I believe," the father answered, "that when God brings a child like this into the world, the perfection that he seeks is in the way people react to this child."

He then told the following story about his son Shay: One afternoon, Shay and his father walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, "Do you think they will let me play?"

Shay's father knew that his son was not at all athletic and that most boys would not want him on their team. But Shay's father understood that if his son was chosen to play it would give him a comfortable sense of belonging. Shay's father approached one of the boys in the field and asked if Shay could play.The boy looked around for guidance from his teammates. Getting none, he took matters into his own hands and said "We are losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him up to bat in the ninth inning."

Shay's father was ecstatic as Shay smiled broadly. Shay was told to put on a glove and go out to play short center field. In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three. In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again and now with two outs and the bases loaded with the potential winning run on base. Shay was scheduled to be up. Would the team actually let Shay bat at this juncture and give away their chance to win the game?

Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that it was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, let alone hit with it. However as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher moved a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay should at least be able to make contact.

The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. One of Shay's team-mates came up to Shay and together they held the bat and faced the pitcher waiting for the next pitch. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly toward Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay and his teammate swung at the ball and together they hit a slow ground ball to the pitcher.

The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could easily have thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have ended the game. Instead, the pitcher took the ball and threw it on a high arc to right field, far beyond reach of the first baseman.

Everyone started yelling, "Shay, run to first. Run to first." Never in his life had Shay run to first. He scampered down the baseline wide-eyed and startled. By the time he reached first base, the right fielder had the ball. He could have thrown the ball to the second baseman who would tag out Shay, who was still running. But the right fielder understood what the pitcher's intentions were, so he threw the ball high and far over the third baseman's head.

Everyone yelled, "Run to second, run to second." Shay ran towards second base as the runners ahead of him deliriously circled the bases towards home.

As Shay reached second base, the opposing shortstop ran to him, turned him in the direction of third base and shouted, "Run to third." As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams ran behind him screaming, "Shay run home."

Shay ran home, stepped on home plate and all 18 boys lifted him on their shoulders and made him the hero, as he had just hit a "grand slam" and won the game for his team.

"That day," said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, "those 18 boys reached their level of God's perfection."

Songwriter EJ Nolan has written a stirring tribute to the Shay story

AND NOW A LITTLE FOOTNOTE TO THIS STORY: We all send thousands of jokes through the e-mail without a second thought, but when it comes to sending messages about life choices, people hesitate. The crude, vulgar, and often obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion about decency is too often suppressed in our schools and workplaces.

If you're thinking about forwarding this message, chances are that you're probably sorting out the people in your address book who aren't the 'appropriate' ones to receive this type of message. We all have thousands of opportunities every single day to help realize the 'natural order of things.' So many seemingly trivial interactions between two people present us with a choice: Do we pass along a little spark of love and humanity or do we pass up those opportunities and leave the world a little bit colder in the process?

A wise man once said every society is judged by how it treats it's least fortunate amongst them

A young man called Ron wanted to buy a Christmas present for his new girlfriend.
They hadn't been seeing each other for very long and she lived a considerable distance away.
He consulted with his sister and decided after careful consideration, that a pair of good quality gloves would strike the right note, not too romantic and not too personal. Off he went with his sister to Harrods ladies dept and they selected a dainty pair of fur lined quality leather gloves. His sister bought a pair of knickers for herself at the same time. Harrods had a free gift wrap offer but the assistant mixed up the two items, the sister got the gloves and Ron got the knickers.
Good old Ron sent off his gift wrapped present in a parcel with the following letter.

Dear Sasha, I chose these because I've noticed that you are not wearing any when we go out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears shorter ones (which are easier to remove).
These are a very delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled at all.
I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart in them even though they were a little bit tight on her. She also said that they rub against her ring which helps keep it clean. In fact she hasn't needed to wash it since she began wearing them.
I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt many other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off remember to blow into them a little bit because they will be naturally a little damp from wearing. Just imagine how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on our next date.
All my love, Ron.
P.S. My mum tells me that the latest style is to wear them folded down with a little bit of fur showing"

Christmas cheer

Started work at 9pm last night everybody briefed and not too busy only 7 outstanding calls on the computer…cold foggy and damp…You would think this would be the prelude to a quite night on the streets of London….HA!!

By 10 pm the calls were starting to come in thick and fast. Domestics first. The holidays are not here yet and they have had enough of each other, trouble is with domestics no matter how simple and straight forward it will take my guys a minimum of an hour to do the paper work…Sigh!!..also the drink drive assaults, drunks, missing persons running out of units fast..

I hear the next call 100 youths fighting, armed with baseball bats and one has a sword. Units answer up and we head to the venue, the firearms car calls me and asks if I am declaring it a situation most dangerous, which means they can deploy to the area. My experience is that there may well be a slight exaggeration as often the caller will add things to the scenario to get police quicker and it is quite often 4 people in a scrap and 70-80 watching…the first unit on scene reports that it was a case of an attempted gate crashing to a party and it was all over…no-one wants to know….straight away another disturbance call this time to a restaurant where three people have been stabbed. this one sounds different and we head post haste to the venue…on arrival we find a Mexican restaurant and the place had been full…someone started a food fight and it got out of hand …result One man with a broken cheek having been kicked in the face repeatedly and stabbed in the back with a broken bottle, the only good thing is the injury is not life threatening. Also we find a woman who has been hit across the head and face with a chair leg and another man cut across his head with a bottle.

It is mayhem people screaming and shouting …so yet again we restore order from mayhem. Ambulances are delayed as they are stretched beyond their means and of course its our fault that they are not there yet. people screaming at me and most are drunk….a typical scene.

One hour later everyone has been treated and the scene preserved Scene of crime is fornicating the place clothing seized the last victim goes off to hospital, his ambulance was delayed because the crew had been attacked trying to help a drunk and his mates had stormed the ambulance to snatch him back out before he has been looked at, slapping one of the crew in the process.

So onto the next calls ...”Man armed with a sword”. This one was where a guy had punched his wife and then thrown her out of the house with their 3 month baby. He was pissed and angry. When the first officer arrives he attacks them with a samurai sword and gets CS sprayed alone the way fortunately non of the officers get hurt and the man is arrested…he calms down and starts apologizing, apparently his wife had rung him at his works drink (which she had told him not to go too) and informed him in tears that she had gone upstairs and found the baby dead!!!..he rushes home to find that it was a lie!!!. However I don’t understand why he would throw her AND the baby out of the house when it was below freezing.

The night goes on more pub fights I have one officer slightly injured by a thrown glass, and have at times run out of officers to deal with things…couple of complaints come in from people who are angry that the police have not yet arrived. but that is an every day occurance,,,the box is empty!!..

At about 4 am I see a car driving down the road with one flat tyre and we stop it. The driver is a lone woman who is crying and she knew the tyre was flat but was too scared to stop; fortunately she has not damaged the axle. So my sergeant and I get out the spare wheel..but then find there is a wheel lock on the alloy rim which she does not have the tool for…
She is with the AA so I call them for her ..to find her membership ran out 25 days ago and it would cost her £135 to rejoin and have a unit attend…I try other options but it would have cost £200 to get out a local garage so she pays the AA, I make sure they treat it as an priority and they arrive 20 mins later and sort her out…

So ends the night some of my officers are tucked up with a drunk at hospital who is trying to assault the nursing staff. The cells are full over half are drunk and I would say one quarter were severely affected by drugs as well. And there is still 3 more days to the full moon. I got home hugged my kids and went to bed

Tonight we will do it all again

Ho Ho HO merry Christmas.

If you see a police officer out on the streets, despite your feelings and personal experiences a Simple thanks for being out here would not go amiss to these young boys and girls who just want to help..

Evening All

Our beer which are in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink,
Thy will be drunk,
I will be drunk,
At home as it is in the local.
Forgive us this day our daily spillage
As we forgive them that spillest against us.
Lead us not into the poncey practise of wine tasting
And deliver us from alco pops,
For mine is the bitter the ale and the larger
For ever and ever BARMEN

They were together in the House.

It was a cold, dark, stormy night. The storm had come quickly 

Each time the thunder boomed he watched her jump.
She looked across the room and admired his strong appearance...and wished that he would take her in his arms, comfort her and protect her from the storm.

Suddenly, with a pop, the power went out... She screamed...
He raced to the sofa where she was cowering.
He didn't hesitate to pull her into his arms.
He knew this was a forbidden union and
expected her to pull back.

He was surprised when she didn't resist but instead clung to him.

The storm raged on...

They knew it was wrong...

Their families would never understand. So consumed were
they in their fear that they heard no opening
of doors...just the faint click of a camera......

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1. I prefer breasts to legs

2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.

3. Smother the butter all over the breasts!

4. If I don't undo my trousers, I'll burst!

5. I've never seen a better spread!

6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.

7. Are you ready for seconds yet?

8. It's a little dry; do you still want to eat it?

9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!

10. Don't play with your meat.

11. Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go.

12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?

13. I didn't expect everyone to come at the same time!

14. You still have a little bit on your chin.

15. How long will it take after you put it in?

16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.

17. Just pull the end and wait for the bang.

18. That's the biggest bird I've ever had!

19. I'm so full, I've been gobbling nuts all morning

20. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all that and still want more!

21. I do like a good stuffing.

I walked down the busy footpath, knowing I was late for an important meeting.
My eye fell upon one of those unfortunate, homeless vagabonds that are in every city these days.

Wearing what i can only describe as rags, carrying every worldly possession in two plastic bags, my heart was touched by this person’s condition.

Some people turned to stare. Others quickly looked away as if the sight would somehow contaminate them.
Recalling some long ago Sunday school admonition to "care for the sick, feed the hungry and clothe the naked" I was moved by some powerful inner urge to reach out to this unfortunate person.
Yes, where some people saw only rags, I saw hidden beauty. A small voice inside my head called out, "Reach out, Reach out!"

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So I Did!!!!!
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A wise man does not need advice and a fool won’t take it.

Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.

Life becomes useless and insipid when we have no longer either friends or enemies.

It is better to stay silent and be thought a fool, than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt.

Teamwork…means never having to take all the blame yourself.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid all together.

If you don’t know where you’re going how do you expect to get there ?

Like a welcome summer rain, humour may suddenly cleanse and cool the earth, the air and you.

A smile is the lighting system of the face, the cooling system of the head and the heating system of the heart.

A friend is someone who has the same enemies you have.

The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.

Bacteria is sometimes the only culture some people have.

Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee.

Being yourself is being the person everyone else wants you to be.

Be of use, but don’t be used..

A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

It’s good to be clever, but not to show it.

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.

To be clever enough to get all that money, one must be stupid enough to want it.

Always forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; I’m not sure about the universe.

Patience is not a virtue; it is a waste of time.

Between thought and expression lies a lifetime.

You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back.

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