These are genuine clips from British Council flat (apartment) tenants
> complaining to the Council about problems with their flats.
>
> 1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has
> fungus growing in it.
>
> 2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't
> take it anymore.
>
> 3. It's the dog's mess that I find hard to swallow.
>
> ?4. I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning?at
> 6 a.m. His cock wakes me up and it's now getting too
> much for me.
>
> ?5. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you
> please?do something about the noise made by the man on top of me
> every night.
>
> ?6. And their 18-year-old son is continually banging his balls against my
> fence.
>
> ?7. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy?my
> wife.
>
> ?8. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
>
> ?9. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
>
> ?10. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped
> and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
>
> 11. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen
>
> 12. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are
> plain filthy.
>
> ?13. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
>
> ?14. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is
> cleared.
>
> ?15. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour
> & not fit to drink.
>
> ?16. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and
> burnt?my knob off.
>
> ?17. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is
> unsightly and dangerous.
>
> ?18. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a
> third so please send someone round to do something about it.
>
> ?19. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he
> put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
>
> ?20. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet?roof.
> I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them
> off.