A Laugh and a Smile

READ BEFORE WATCHING VIDEO

The 3,150 m long Lefortovo tunnel in Russia, (near Poland ) is the longest in-city tunnel in all of Europe. It is nicknamed “'The Tunnel of Death”. See for yourself why.
There is a river running over the tunnel and water leaks through in some areas. When the temperature reaches nearly 0°C like it does during the winter in Russia, the road freezes and becomes as slippery as . well ........................ ice.

The result is the attached video which was taken during a single day with the tunnel surveillance camera. Congratulations to the dual-carriage bus driver - imagine the passengers in the back! What a ride! The next time you complain about traffic, remember this video...................................love that Russian engineering.

Aging Aunt Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent ov er the recent death of her husband. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.

Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out his old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was badly broken in the first place.

Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on a woman. The doctor said, 'Your heart would be just below your left breast'.

Later that night........ Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.

A test to see if your brain is still working.?

 

Which one is the Blonde

 

 

 

Scroll down to see if you got it right???
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The Blonde is the one
With the wrong leg up.

Did you pass the test ? And did you care

Wanda's dishwasher stopped working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, 'I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll post you a cheque.'

'Oh, by the way don't worry about my dog Spike. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!' 'I REPEAT; DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!'

When the repairman arrived at Wanda's flat the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking dog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.

The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling.

Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled,

'Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!,before I ring your bloody neck'

 

To which the parrot replied, 'Get him, Spike!'

See - Men just don't listen!

2007 - Chinese year of the Chicken - Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of Asia
2008 - Chinese year of the Horse - Equine Influenza decimates Australian racing
2009 - Chinese year of the Pig - Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of people around the globe.

Has any one else noticed this? ...

If you're a man, it gets worse next year... 2010 - Chinese year of the
Cock - what could possibly go wrong?

Worlds most stupid tattoo!!

must have been designed by gary Glitter!!!

OK!...Who wants an entry form!!

just when you thought there was nothing new to buy your Mum!!

How to keep your sking costs down!!

And I bet he thinks it is a turn on for the Ladies

Don't mess with my Nan!!

Who designed this then...

Quite retiring guy would like to meet..........

Greco roman ronald

Now thats what I call sad and lonely!!

Proud father of the bride....NOT!!!

Me and my shadow..

Part of every Parents morning routine..get up...make coffee..read the paper...shave the baby!!! Wtf..

Stating the Bloody obvious!!!!

Shhhhhhhh!!!

Traditional welsh arm chair  wonder if Uskey has one

What do you rekon to your chances of getting a lift here.

Dont say that you wern't warned!!

He's just a big pussey cat!!

Deep!.. Deep!.. DEEP!! undercover

My kind of place

Answer the door, and make it snappy!!

Precision sleeping!

Only in your dreams mate

Health and safety overkill

On yer bike

how many are there for the golf..Answer   NONE!

A golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the golfer's ball beside him.
Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving him.
Arrgh! What happened?' the Leprechaun asked. 'I'm afraid I hit you with my golf ball, the golfer says. 'Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?'

'Thank God, you're all right!' the golfer answers in relief. 'I don't want anything, I'm just glad you're OK, and I apologize.' And the golfer walks off.

'What a nice guy,' the Leprechaun says to himself. I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things I would want... a great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life.'

A year goes by and the golfer is back. On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him. 'Twas me that made ye hit the ball here,' the little guy says. 'I just want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?'

'My game is fantastic!' the golfer answers. I'm an internationally famous golfer now.' He adds, 'By the way, it's good to see you're all right.'
'Oh, I'm fine now, thank ye. I did that fer yer golf game, you know. And tell me, how's yer money situation?'

'Why, it's just wonderful!' the golfer states. 'When I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out £50 notes I didn't even know were there! ' 'I did that fer ye also.' And tell me, how's yer sex life?' The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly, 'It's OK.'

C'mon, c'mon now,' urged the Leprechaun, ‘I’m wanting to know if I did a good job. How many times a week?' Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers, 'Once, sometimes twice a week.' 'What??' responds the Leprechaun in shock? 'That's all? Only once or twice a week?'

'Well,' says the golfer, 'I figure that's not bad for a Catholic priest in a
small parish.'

Tut! tut! back to school you go!!

bloody good idea!

I have no idea what this is about!!!!!

Last time i try Internet dating!!!

I would overtake mate!!

I have heard of a close up but this...!!!

I can see you!!

I hate it when my owners get pissed..not funny

WTF...One way to wear a ring I suppose!!!

Giving in to the inevitable!!!

Look what I found ma!!, Can I keep it!!??

Best anti theft device ever!!

Seems a reasonable wish!!

What I would call bad advertisment placing..

What I would call stating the obvious!"

Glad they told me..Phew I nearly got it wrong!!!

Honest Protester!

And F*** the spelling

I HAVE JUST ONE QUESTION??

 

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He is losing the battle here!!

Some passengers can offer no help

Mummys little soldier

I have heard of dipping your headlights but!!....

Hello waterboard...I would like to report a leak!!

first Kiss ...remember??

We all tend to take our freedom for granted.!!

In need of a little TLC!

Drawing in the sky!

Shhh Some animals can be very shy!

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Circumference.He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaska island, but it turned out
To be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was A weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his Work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking Into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to The other,'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.When His grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said,'No change Yet.'

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion..

18. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at Large.

19. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned Veteran.

20. A backward poet writes inverse.

21. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count
That votes.

22. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

23. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!

Good start to Married life

Isnt it annoying when you get hair in your food?

Never keep anything sharp down your trousers!!

Slight Elf and Safety issue here

Their never gonna bump start that!!

Money can get you sooooo much

NICE !!  who was it that said" when ya got to go you have go to go!!

It is just gonna hurt soooo much!!! Ouch!!

A Bridge too far!

Hot stuff!!!