An office worker got a pen stuck inside a printer. He started to try and remove the pen, but was told he did'nt have time for that now, just to put a note on the printer telling folks not to use it and then report it to the Help Desk. So he grabbed a piece of paper and scrawled on it.
About 20 minutes later, one of the techs comes in laughing and says he was just in the lobby, saw a piece of paper on a printer and went to investigate
.
Attached is what he found. Sometimes things don't always come out the way you want them to........

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The automobile driving manual says the average driver's reaction time is:

0.75 seconds or 1 car length for every 10 mph.

Test your average reaction time.

Be very careful this can be addictive.

Click on the link below and good luck.

Reaction Test

We all have an inner child

We all have problems

gonna put this on the Door at work!!

Now thats a mobile speaker system!!

Fruits of passion!

Stupid adds!!

Click to enlarge!! Look between Peall and Pearce. worked it out yet???

WHY?????

Honest advert!!!

Would you sit infront of these guys!!!

Cute piggy ones always bring a smile :>>

Nah Nah ne Nah Nah

 

how many people have tried the E-Mail

True love

Not much custom me thinks..

If the cap Moves ...wear it!!  Look closer at the middle picture!!

Could have paid a tad more attention to the translation

Your not going to lend her any of your baccy for a roll up.

though provoking :>>

Ist class art!!

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a
well. The animal cried piteously for hours as
the farmer tried to figure out what to do.

Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the
well needed to be covered up anyway;
it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbours to come over and
help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began
to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the
donkey realized what was happening and cried
horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he
quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally
looked down the well. He was astonished at what
he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his
back, the donkey was doing something amazing.
He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbours continued to shovel
dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it
off and take a step up.
Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey
stepped up over the edge of the well and
happily trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds
of dirt... The trick to getting out of the well
is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of
our troubles is a steppingstone.. We can get out
of the deepest wells just by not stopping,
never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.

Live simply and appreciate what you have.

Give more.

Expect less

NOW ............

Enough of that crap . . . The donkey later came back,
and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him.
The gash from the bite got infected and
the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.

MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:

When you do something wrong, and try to cover
your ass, it always comes back to bite you.

This made me laugh out loud.

I hope it will give you a smile!

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room,

waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.

The doctor arrived, and examined the baby,

checked his weight, and being a little concerned,

asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

'Breast-fed, ' she replied.

'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.

She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and

rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional

and detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said,

'No wonder this baby is underweight..

You don't have any milk.'

I know,' she said,

'I'm his Grandma,

but I'm glad I came'

Good Advice

Bit over the top

Posh Geisha

Bargain

Oh to be No1

Back off...he's my Buddy

Cute!!!!

You cant see me!!!

Love is in the air

If your gonna be stupid get it right

Ah the relaxing commute to work...

Just a light load then..

WTF!!!!!!!

Me thinks it was in ais of google earth!!

Some could relate to this

 

So at least she is safe!!!!!

Not sure it will stop em!!

Sun Kissed!!

Meet Molly. She’s a gray speckled pony who was abandoned by her owners when Katrina hit southern Louisiana , USA . She spent weeks on her own before finally being rescued and taken to a farm where abandoned animals were stockpiled. While there, she was attacked by a pit bull terrier, and almost died. Her gnawed right front leg became infected the cost of help for molly would be enormous and the future was not good for her.

But after surgeon Rustin Moore met Molly, he saw how the pony was careful to lie down on different sides so she didn’t seem to get sores, and how she allowed people to handle her. She protected her injured leg. She constantly shifted her weight, and didn’t overload her good leg. She was a smart pony with a serious survival ethic. He decided to treat her.

Moore agreed to remove her leg below the knee and a temporary artificial limb was built. Molly walked out of the clinic and her story really begins there.

“This was the right horse and the right owner,” Moore insists.

Molly happened to be a one-in-a-million patient. She’s tough as nails, but sweet, and she was willing to cope with pain. She made it obvious she understood (that) she was in trouble. The other important factor, according to Moore , is having a truly committed and compliant owner who is dedicated to providing the daily care required over the lifetime of the horse.

Molly’s story turns into a parable for life in post-Katrina Louisiana . The little pony gained weight, her mane felt a comb. A human prosthesis designer built her a leg.

The prosthetic leg has given Molly a whole new life, Allison Barca DVM, Molly’s regular vet, reports.

And she asks for it! She will put her little limb out, and come to you and let you know that she wants you to put it on. Sometimes she w ants you to take it off too.” And sometimes, Molly gets away from Barca. “It can be pretty bad when you can’t catch a three-legged horse”, she laughs.

Most important of all, Molly has a job now. Kay, the rescue farm owner, started taking Molly to shelters, hospitals, nursing homes, rehabilitation centers. Anywhere she thought that people needed hope. Wherever Molly went, she showed people her pluck. She inspired people. And she had a good time doing it.

“It’s obvious to me that Molly had a bigger role to play in life”, Moore said, “She survived the hurricane, she survived a horrible injury, and now she is giving hope to others.”

This is Molly’s most recent prosthesis.the hoof that she stands on, has a smiley face embossed in it. Wherever Molly goes, she leaves a smiley hoof print behind.

So there you have it. I am impressed by the mans generosity and love.

good reason to go

not sure I would but the kids might  like em!!

Not what you might think...Banana holders to take your nana to work...yeah right I would produce this at work

For making fun cakes

Crab made from melons ..clever

Everyone would wear this....not!!

Now you can eat hot found in your car!!

Good idea for the kids

art comes in all shapes...No photo shop either

Dont drink and do road markings

Now thats a tight squeeze

That should prove her ID !!!!!

Guess who no one argues with in this class!!

Clever Art again

So I got a ride back from the fair...whats the problem Officer

Foxy thief

Thinks its clever now..wait a few years and see what you think!!

clever art and nice touch too!!

These bird slippers fit a treat

If you think setting up domino's Takes talent take a look at this!!!

One sneeze and its scrambled eggs

Amazing what you can do with wood

Be careful when you order the cake on line..LOL

Now 30 years ago this would have been hot! Ewwwww



Elf and safety in the shade

You would have to be a fan!!

Dog training at its best

get your skates on gran!!

village bowls

Clever art

Negative People

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your
parade. So remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing and cares less
tries to make your life miserable.

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip
to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser,
who responded: "Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty.You're
crazy to go to Rome .
So, how are you getting there?" "We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a
great rate!"

"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. " That's a terrible airline. Their planes are
old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying
in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste." "Don't
go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and
exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope." "That's rich,"
laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look
the size of an ant".

"Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to needit."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser
asked her about her trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "Not only were we on time in one of Continentals
brand new planes, but it was overbooked, so
they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful,and I had a handsome
28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot".

"And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's
a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized
and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to
see the Pope." "Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss
Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Popelikes to meet some of the
visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would
personally greet me."

"Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I
knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

"Oh, really! What'd he say ?"

He said: "Who fucked up your hair?"

Be good for the train

Good job they told us!!

Yes there are!!

I want that mat

they could have thought this through!!

Can you see how clever this is??

Perk up your love life

Poor girl

Some will say Ewwwww

I could live here....

Clingstone, an unusual, 103-year-old mansion in Rhode Island 's Narragansett Bay , survives through the love and hard work of family and friends.

Henry Wood, the owner, runs the house like a camp: all skilled workers welcome.

The Jamestown Boatyard hauls the family's boats and floating dock and stores

them each winter in return for a week's use of the house in the summer.

 

 

 

Mr. Wood, a 79-year-old Boston architect, bought the house with his ex-wife Joan

in 1961 for $3,600. It had been empty for two decades.

Clingstone had been built by a distant cousin, J.S. Lovering Wharton. Mr. Wharton

worked with an artist, William Trost Richards, to create a house of picture windows

with 23 rooms on three stories radiating off a vast central hall.

The total cost of the construction, which was completed in 1905, was

$36,982.99

An early sketch of the house. Mr. Wood is as proud as any parent of his house,

and keeps a fat scrapbook of photographs and newspaper clippings that document

its best moments. Many of the historic photos he has were provided by the company

that insured the house for its original owners.

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The Newport Bridge is visible from the windows of the Ping-Pong room,

to the left of the fireplace.

The house is maintained by an ingenious method: the Clingstone work weekend. Held

every year around Memorial Day, it brings 70 or so friends and Clingstone lovers

together to tackle jobs like washing all 65 of the windows. Anne Tait, who is married

to Mr. Wood's son Dan, refinished the kitchen floor on one of her first work weekends

 

There are 10 bedrooms at Clingstone, all with indecently beautiful views

 

Hes having a laugh!!!

The answer is out there

Now thats what I call a good barman.!!

One black eye coming up!!! OUCH!!

Hurry ..only one left!!

decisions

Good advice

Early mobile phone

Ah.. a womans work is never done

How to beat the one drink only rule

I OWE MY MOTHER (for everything)

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.
I just finished cleaning.'

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.'

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you
Into the middle of next week!'

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
' Because I said so, that's why.'

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck,
You're not going to the store with me.'

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
'Make sure you wear clean underwear,
In case you're in an accident.'

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.'

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.'

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!'

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
'You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.'

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.'

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
'If I told you once, I've told you a million times.
Don't exaggerate!'

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.'

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
'Stop acting like your father!'

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
'There are millions of less fortunate children in this world
Who don't have wonderful parents like you do.'

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
'Just wait until we get home.'

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
'You are going to get it when you get home!'

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE..
'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going
To get stuck that way.'

19. My mother taught me ESP.
'Put your sweater on; don't you think
I know when you are cold?'

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
'When that lawn mower cuts off your toes,
Don't come running to me..'

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
'If you don't eat your vegetables,
You'll never grow up.'

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
'You're just like your father.'

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
'Shut that door behind you. Do you think
You were born in a barn?'

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
'When you get to be my age, you'll understand.'

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
'One day you'll have kids, and I hope
They turn out just like you!

SMART ASS ANSWERS

BEST OF 2009

6th Place

It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:

'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.

'What are my choices?' the man asked.

'Yes or no,' she replied.

5th Place

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.

As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.

Without blinking an eyelid she said,

'Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.'

4th place

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a branch of Sainsbury's but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.

She asked a passing assistant, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?'

The assistant replied, 'I'm afraid not, they're dead.'

3rd Place

The policeman got out of his car and approached the boy racer he stopped for speeding.

'I've been waiting for you all day,' the bobby said.

The kid replied, 'Yes, well I got here as fast as I could.'

When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

2nd Place

A lorry driver was driving along on a country road. A sign came up that read 'Low Bridge Ahead.' Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The policeman got out of his car and walked to the lorry's cab and said to the driver,

“Got stuck, eh?”

The lorry driver said, “No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of petrol!”

BEST SMART ARSED ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2009

A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam.

“Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.

I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!”

A smart-arsed guy at the back of the raised his hand and asked,

“What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?”

The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering.

When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said:

'Well, I suppose you'd have to write with your other hand'.

Are you tired of those piss weak 'friendship' poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here are a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cute little smiley faces on this post . Just the stone cold truth of a great friendship.

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get pissed and plot revenge against the bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile -- I will know you are thinking of something that I would probably want to be involved in.

4. When you are scared -- I will take the piss out of you every chance I get until you're NOT.

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you stories about how much worse it could be until YOU STOP WHINING!

6. When you are confused -- I will try to use only little words.

7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall, I will laugh at you, you clumsy arse,
but I'll help you up.

9. This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask;
Because you are my friend.

Friendship is like pissing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.

Useful Door

Nice T-Shirt

The reason not to have tattoo's when your young!!!



Needs must I guess

Well it said so on the box

I need one of these

Still a secret

I forget what this one is

A the point is????

Hitch hikers get everywhere

I have just entered my blog friends into a competition to win this wonder cruise....................... good luck

I hope you dont mind but I entered all your names into a raffle  for a 7 day Dora Creek Cruise.

The prize is a Seven Day Six Night stay on the fabulous new Lake Macquarie Cruise line ship the "Creeky Dora"

All fares and Transfers included as well as a garenteed place at the captains table...Good luck i hope one of you win

 

Note the Creeky Dora is shown below, Note the Spa up on the Promonade deck

 

Your hostesses Raleene and Trissy

Note: Raleene says that male passengers can use her cup holder...But not for hot drinks

You will notice below the magnificant balcony view and the finest private facilities

 

Nothing is too good for my friends

 

 

 

So much for freedom!!

A knife might have been safer

Good message

Something seems to be missing

If the cap fits..............

Very true

Bargain!!!

Made me grin

Took me a while to get this!

thoughtful message

My Re simay

To hoom it mae cunsern,

I waunt to apply for the job what I saw in the paper.

I kin Type realee qwik wit one finggar and do sum a counting.

I think I am good on the fone and I no I am a pepole person.

I no my spelling is not too good.

My salerery is open, I kin start emeditely.

Thank yoo in advanse fore yore anser.

Sinseerly,

Tiffanny

PS : Because my resimay is a bit short

I sent a pickture of me.
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Employer's response..

Dear Tiffany,

It's OK honey, we've got spell check.

See you Monday.

 

Wise words!..

Should keep your bum warm.

Good advice wonder why I can't understand it

Couple made for each other

Something to talk about

battery powered battery charger...Hmmmmm!!

Well that looks safe!!

Ahhh! Chilled Champers

We all need better toilet paper security

well at least people have read it!!

On a beautiful summer's day, two English tourists were driving through Wales at the town of:-

Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogoch

they stopped for lunch, and one of the tourists asked the waitress,
“Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument for us. Can you pronounce where we are, very, very, very slowly?”

The girl leaned over and said, “Burrr gurrr kiiing.”

Clever T-Shirt

You have got to love your friends

I think she has put her point across well

Cheap skate

He thinks its just a clever Photo..he is in for a shock!

Thats why they cried when I held em!

Need more than a trolley for that!!

I had to smirk at this!!

Should be no confusion there then

So!!!...That sign go the message across then ..

They make a good point

I give you Mr and Mrs Vader...!!

Think she made her point!

Hmmmmm on reflection I wonder what he's watching

Well they only wrote what you said !!

Clever

Wonder if it arrived

Made me smile

well that makes sure it is never mis-used!

My kinda clock.

FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW TO A HAPPY LIFE:

1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home,
Who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you Laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust
And who doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed
And who likes to be with you.

5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know
each other.

Older Than Dirt Quiz

: Count all the ones that you remember not the ones you were told about. Ratings at the bottom.

1.Candy cigarettes
2.Coffee shops with tableside juke boxes
3.Home milk delivery in glass bottles
4.Party lines on the telephone
5.Newsreels before the movie
6.TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning. (there were only 3 channels [if you were fortunate])
7.Peashooters
8.Fireball XL5
9.45 RPM records
10.Hi-fi's
11.Metal ice trays with lever
12.Blue flashbulb
13.Cork popguns
14.triumph herald car
15.Wash tub wringers
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If you remembered 0-3 = You're still young
If you remembered 3-6 = You are getting older
If you remembered 7-10 = Don't tell your age,
If you remembered 11-15 =You're older than dirt!

I might be older than dirt but those memories are some of the best parts of my life.

Jobs worth!

Me thinks this is a boys room!!

Always read the label

Clever advert

That should keep it safe!!!

ultimate postal bride

New top then???

Bad Parents!!

Not the best advert placing!

He knows whats good for him

No wonder he dont look happy

Not a good way to get an A!!

Tough neighbourhood

Honest advertising!!

Weird!!

Good old spell check!

How to ruin a picture

Not quite the right message

So!! Not been abandoned long then

Just the place to take the baby...Tut tut Dad!