A Laugh and a Smile

Eye Test

Need glasses ?

look carefully at the picture below:

DId you notice the bare Bum of the girl in the back?

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If yes

Then go to an Optician immediately because this is the shoulder of the girl taking the picture!!!!!

Spot the ringer!!!!

I love add humour

Needs a Spell checker.!!!

Someone with my sort of humour..

Cheap way to get your business cards done..

Me thinks someones not a happy customer..

How quickly we move on

A typical cat nap

Thinking mans fungi !!!

This is a good idea now we have in writing that men good for something. no more worries about toilets seat being up or down a thing of the past.

The rather unusual practice is already actively encouraged at stately homes around the country where "pee bales" have been deposited in secluded areas of National Trust gardens to allow male members of staff to relieve themselves.

The Trust, which actively campaigns on climate change, said answering the call of nature outside saves both on water and the energy used in flushing the lavatory.

Urine can also speed up the chemical process in the compost heap, making it a better fertiliser to help grow vegetables and save even more energy in reducing food miles.

Male urine is better than female urine because it is slightly less acidic. could that be because of the higher beer content.

At Wimpole Estate in Cambridgeshire up to 20 male staff are being encouraged to use a straw "pee bale" that is then added to the compost heap and eventually spread on the garden and fields.

Rosemary Hooper, Wimpole estate’s in-house 'master composter', who provides composting advice to visitors, encouraged anyone to urinate on their compost heap.

“Most people can compost in some way in their own gardens," she said "Peeing on a compost heap activates the composting process helps to produce a ready supply of lovely organic matter to add back to the garden."

She insisted it will not make the compost heap smell any worse and could eventually make sweet-smelling flowers come up better.

“Adding a little pee just helps get it all going; it’s totally safe and a bit of fun too," she added.

Tamzin Phillips, the National Trust’s 'compost doctor', also urged people to urinate on the compost heap.

“An average flush of the lavatory can use anything from four and a half to nine litres of water each time, but what people may not realise is that this water is treated to the same standard as drinking water and shouldn’t be wasted." Average saving of drinking water 6,935 Ltrs a year with two pees a day, 13,870Ltr at four pees a day. amazing

Urinating outdoors or in the shower is advocated by environmental activists, including Cameron Diaz, as a way of tacking climate change by saving water and energy.

WIFE:
What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?

HUSBAND:

Definitely not!

WIFE:

Why not - don't you like being married?

HUSBAND:

Of course I do.

WIFE:

Then why wouldn't you remarry?

HUSBAND:

Okay, I'd get married again.

WIFE:

You would? (With a hurtful look on her face).

HUSBAND:

(Makes audible groan).

WIFE:

Would you live in our house?

HUSBAND:

Sure, it's a great house.

WIFE:

Would you sleep with her in our bed?

HUSBAND:

Where else would we sleep?

WIFE:

Would you let her drive my car?

HUSBAND:

Probably, it is almost new.

WIFE:

Would you replace my pictures with hers?

HUSBAND:

That would seem like the proper thing to do.

WIFE:

Would she use my golf clubs?

HUSBAND:

No, she's left-handed.

WIFE:
- silence - -

HUSBAND:
S**t....

Not what you want on your dash!!

WTF!!!!

They think of everything..

Hmmmm...Fan maybe!!!

True add..

Male Date-Drug
(be sure to watch the video at the end)

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties & local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink by any woman.

Many females use a date-drug on the market called 'Beer ' .

The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, or from taps and in large kegs.

Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and sleep with them.

A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no-strings-attached sex.

Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several Beers , men will often succumb to the desires to sleep with horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted.

After drinking Beer , men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that 'something bad' occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as 'a relationship' . In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer-term form of servitude and punishment referred to as 'marriage'.
Men are much more susceptible to this scam after Beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.

Please forward this warning to every male you know.

If you fall victim to this 'Beer ' scam and the women administering it, there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly victimized men.

For the support group nearest you, just look up 'Golf Courses' in the phone book.

For a video to see how Beer works click here :

Beer Demo

 

Pleezeeeee Feed me!

Honest excuse

I can see a flaw in this security

Spot the fake!!

Ugly or what

When you know you parked in the wrong place!!

genuine reason!!

wonder how many people tried it

Optimism at its best

From an email:

Noah, the Dove

These little bunnies, about 6 days old, were attacked by a dog and orphaned. Two out of the litter of five did not survive, and these three were not doing very well. Noah is a non-releasable, one-legged homing pigeon that we have here in rehab. Noah kept going over to the bunny cage and looking in...even sleeping in front of the door to the cage.

Then, 2 days ago, I only counted 2 bunnies in the cage, so I hurriedly picked Noah up from the front of the cage so I could look inside. To my surprise....there was the tiny bunny...,.under Noah's wing.....sound asleep! The bunny had crawled through the cage...,.preferring a featherbed, no doubt.

Now, they are all together, and the bunnies are doing GREAT. When the bunnies scoot underneath Noah's feathers, he extends his wings out to surround them...and they snuggle. When one of them moves and they start sticking out here and there, he gently pushes them back under him with his beak!!!!! This is amazing!!!

Liu Bolin ~ The Invisible Man

This guy paints himself, no kidding. He uses no trick photography; he just paints himself.

A little boy goes to his father and asks, 'Daddy, how was I born?'

The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom, and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:

'You got Male!'

Who Me...It wasn't me honest

who needs an education to work at walmart!!

At least the brolly will keep her dry!!

bloody queue jumpers...

African speed bump ..

Mobile phones have come along way!

Spot the sniper

More horse power is not always the answer

I get it!

Here have some simple fun

Click HERE

The average British soldier is 19 years old.....he is a short haired, well built lad who, under normal circumstances is considered by society as half man, half boy. Not yet dry behind the ears and just old enough to buy a round of drinks but old enough to die for his country - and for you. He's not particularly keen on hard work but he'd rather be grafting in Afghanistan than unemployed in the UK . He recently left comprehensive school where he was probably an average student, played some form of sport, drove a ten year old rust bucket, and knew a girl that either broke up with him when he left, or swore to be waiting when he returns home. He moves easily to rock and roll or hip-hop or to the rattle of a 7.62mm machine gun.

He is about a stone lighter than when he left home because he is working or fighting from dawn to dusk and well beyond. some have trouble spelling, so letter writing is a pain for him, but he can strip a rifle in 25 seconds and reassemble it in the dark. He can recite every detail of a machine gun or grenade launcher and use either effectively if he has to. He digs trenches and latrines without the aid of machines and can apply first aid like a professional paramedic. He can march until he is told to stop, or stay dead still until he is told to move.

He obeys orders instantly and without hesitation but he is not without a rebellious spirit or a sense of personal dignity. He is confidently self-sufficient. He has two sets of uniform with him: he washes one and wears the other. He keeps his water bottle full and his feet dry. He sometimes forgets to brush his teeth, but never forgets to clean his rifle. He can cook his own meals, mend his own clothes and fix his own hurts. If you are thirsty, he'll share his water with you; if you are hungry, his food is your food. He'll even share his life-saving ammunition with you in the heat of a firefight if you run low.

He has learned to use his hands like weapons and regards his weapon as an extension of his own hands. He can save your life or he can take it, because that is his job - it's what a soldier does. He often works twice as long and hard as a civilian, draw half the pay and have nowhere to spend it, and can still find black ironic humour in it all. There's an old saying in the British Army: 'If you can't take a joke, you shouldn't have joined!'

He has seen more suffering and death than he should have in his short lifetime. He has wept in public and in private, for friends who have fallen in combat and he is unashamed to show it or admit it. He feels every bugle note of the 'Last Post' or 'Sunset' vibrate through his body while standing rigidly to attention. He's not afraid to 'Bollock' anyone who shows disrespect when the Regimental Colours are on display or the National Anthem is played; yet in an odd twist, he would defend anyone's right to be an individual. Just as with generations of young people before him, he is paying the price for our freedom. Clean shaven and baby faced he may be, but be prepared to defend yourself if you treat him like a kid.
He is the latest in a long thin line of British Fighting Men that have kept this country free for hundreds of years. He asks for nothing from us except our respect, friendship and understanding. We may not like what he does, but sometimes he doesn't like it either - he just has it to do.. Remember him always, for he has earned our respect and admiration with his blood.

And now we even have brave young women putting themselves in harm's way, doing their part in this tradition of going to war when our nation's politicians call on us to do so.

A real VW fan


Me and my shadow

Hmmmm I wonder why he is sat alone..

Only funny if you dont own a cat!

Plumbers nightmare

You should have thought about it before you said I do!!

Spot the tattooist's car

How out of it must he be

Spot the police chase!!!

BEAT ABOUT THE BUSH

When hunting birds some people would beat about the bush to drive them out into the open. Other people would than catch the birds. 'I won't beat about the bush' came to mean 'I will go straight to the point without any delay'.

BITTER END

Anchor cable was wrapped around posts called bitts. The last piece of cable was called the bitter end. If you let out the cable to the bitter end there was nothing else you could do, you had reached the end of your resources.

CHOCK-A-BLOCK

When pulleys or blocks on sailing ship were pulled so tightly together that they could not be moved any closer together they were said to be chock-a-block.

CODSWALLOP

In the 19th century wallop was slang for beer. A man named Codd began selling lemonade and it was called Codswallop. In time codswallop began to mean anything worthless or inferior and later anything untrue.

COPPER

The old word cop meant grab or capture so in the 19th century policemen were called coppers because they grabbed or caught criminals.
FLYING COLOURS

If a fleet won a clear victory the ships would sail back to port with their colours proudly flying from their masts.

GET THE SACK

This comes from the days when workmen carried their tools in sacks. If your employer gave you the sack it was time to collect your tools and go.

GET THE SACK

This comes from the days when workmen carried their tools in sacks. If your employer gave you the sack it was time to collect your tools and go.

HUMBLE PIE

The expression to eat humble pie was once to eat umble pie. The umbles were the intestines or less appetising parts of an animal and servants and other lower class people ate them. So if a deer was killed the rich ate venison and those of low status ate umble pie. In time it became corrupted to eat humble pie and came to mean to debase yourself or act with humility.

KICK THE BUCKET

When slaughtering a pig you tied its back legs to a wooden beam (in French buquet). As the animal died it kicked the buquet.

LICK INTO SHAPE

In the Middle Ages people thought that bear cubs were born shapeless and their mother literally licked them into shape.

RED HERRING

Poachers and other unsavoury characters would drag a herring across the ground where they had just walked to throw dogs off their scent. (Herrings were made red by the process of curing).